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omg I am posting

beatifulugly
holy shit I have not updated in FOREVER. Here is the short form update, and I am hoping to start posting more often again, but make no promise. I've been reading on here some, mostly on my phone, but not commenting or posting.

anyhow. Got an apartment in january, living right downtown again. Am burning through what I saved up because living downtown is really pricey if you aren't in a co-op, but we're squeaking by.

Shortly after I moved in here, we found out that MCC was proposing selling the co-op because of how much the repairs could be, so I have spent the last couple months doing everything I can to stop that. We managed to get the general membership to vote down the proposal to sell for the time being, but we are still working on putting together a passable repair proposal that comes in cheap as hell before another proposal to sell comes up. That kinda ate my life.

My apartment got broken into last month, and they took both my and my friend's laptop, which really fucking sucked.

But having a place downtown again means that even without the co-op, I have a social group that drops by. When I was out on the edge of town staying with someone else, random friends couldn't just stop by and visit a bit, and now they do it a lot. almost too much some days, but I am learning that it is ok to tell people "hey, you are awesome and I like hanging out, but I need some down time so please go away for a while" I'm not great at it yet, but getting better.

When my sublet here runs out, if I can't get back into my co-op yet, I'm going to membership at one of the indie co-ops that we've hung out at a few times, rather than sign another lease here.

Other than that, it's spring and it's glorious and it's almost time for wiscon. Life is sweet. Love you guys.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/592817.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

Sep. 16th, 2013

beatifulugly
So my coop had a fire. Nice big one. The porch and the bedrooms on the third floor wing are toast. My room iswet as fuck. The place has been deemed Inhabitable for maybe 6 months. We're staying with a friend but I am so far from downtown and in a single unit house without my community. Im exhausted sad and fucked. Posting from phone. Losing my shit.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/591982.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

all i can say right now

beatifulugly
is BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH. Am starting to appreciate how I have turned my life around and a triumphant laugh is the only response.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/591735.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

crap

beatifulugly
I have been so busy enjoying life and processing this radical perspective change thing that I have totally failed to get ahead on work before wiscon. in fact, I m a half day behind already, and am too fucking distracted to deal with it. I keep trying tho

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/588862.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

May. 18th, 2013

beatifulugly
my life is actually a series of very odd blessings right now. I can't say much else, but it is sincerely good.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/588128.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

things that are awesome

beatifulugly
I can pay my rent!

HQ had an absolutely fantastic birthday, at an arcade full of old school games, with most of his favorite people, including his godfather/waterbro who he hasn't seen in a whiiiile.

Said godfather/waterbro is one of my absolute all time favorite people in the goddamn universe and I am so excited to have him back in our lives and he seems, although still not well, happy.

He's coming over this evening to sit on the dock and catch up about the huge life changes we have both gone through the last couple years.

One of my favorite young people has her membership meeting to live here tonight. It is slightly less than awesome that I am skipping her meeting, but I will be at the next house meeting where it is actually decided, and there was DRAMA at the last membership meeting for someone I am friends with, so it is for the best to skip it.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/587986.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

woke up with the anxiety again

beatifulugly
because I still can not cover the bounced check or my current payment. sucked up and emailed my only cousin with money, who couldn't help last time to see if she could do a loan where I pay her back each pay period. She can do some, but not the whole amount I am behind, and isn't sure how much. if you could all just cross your fingers that when she looks at her finances she has more than she thought and can do the whole thing?

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/587650.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

but at least

beatifulugly
a badass person got me a wiscon membership so I have that to look forward to, even if I might be getting kicked out a week later.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/586281.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

fuckin hell

beatifulugly
i will never get ok financially. I keep getting so close and then something oes to shit. fuckfuckfuck. A friend who owes me a shit ton of money is finally getting back to work though, so unless that fucks up, there may be light, if I can come up with a couple hundred bucks in the meanwhile. I am just so tired of being behind.


eta I am aware this may be the anxiety disorder making it larger than it is.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/586191.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

help me make a decision

beatifulugly
ok, so I have the option to switch rooms in the coop to a slightly smaller room on the first floor.
Cons:Slightly smaller. Closer to the drum kit. There is one asshole who I don't get along with down there who doesn't want me to move in on his floor.
Pros: two of my closest friends in house, including my favorite whose kids are po's best friends, would be right across the hall. Closer to the main rooms/kitchen to hear what kids are doing. room is painted an awesome red instead of the yellow and teal mine is. 20 bucks cheaper. Closer to better bathrooms. Not on the same floor as any of the people who bitch about kids and noise.

Opinions?

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/585224.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

wiscon programming signup is a thing!

awesomeollins
and I am doing really good at not doing that thing where I sign up for like 18 panels. I do not even LIKE being on panels. I'm still signing up for a couple though.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/584042.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

ok, so

beatifulugly
I am taking all the money that I have to the co-op office place on monday, along with my willingness to grovel, and hopefully even though it is now short because of the returned check fee it will be enough. I'm so fucking close.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/580892.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

almost wasn't good enough

beatifulugly
and I wound up still being short on the rent check, in part because my fucking paycheck didn't get deposited by my boss yet and a check that should have gotten here today didn't. So I have defaulted on my payment plan, gotten another fucking bank fee, and am fucked.

I was so fucking close to having this shit right. And now everything is fucked.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/580641.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

wow

beatifulugly
I have the kindest, most supportive friends. I am now within reach of being okay. holy shit. thanks.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/580562.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

so fucked on rent

beatifulugly
okay, so you know how I have been in constant financial crisis since the breakup, so a year and a fucking half now? And I almost had my shit together thanks to a ass-ton of help? well, I am super fucking fucked again. Since Z took the boykid, he has cut my payments in half, which is fair, but has left me scrambling to make rent. And then there has been some fucking bullshit where certain shit that I thought he cancelled was still coming out of my bank account, which overdrew me by a fuckload.
I set up a payment plan to pay off what I am behind on rent over the next couple of months, and have given the house a check for the first set of payments. I gave it to them ahead of time, knowing that they do bank runs on the fifth of each month and it wouldn't be cashed until then. and then the overdrafting bullshit went down, and even when my paycheck gets here, there will not be enough to cover the check.

So basically, I am going to default on my payment plan and me and po will be evicted if I don't come up with like 450 dollars by wednesday. I do not know what to do there is NO FUCKING WAY I can get my hands on that much money in 5 days. None. I have picked up some more work than I had before, which will help in the long run, but that's not going to bring in jack shit in that timeframe.
I keep getting so fucking close to being able to get on track, and then more shit happens. I am a fucking failure. Honest to fuck, if we get evicted that means Z gets po full time, and I don't think I can deal with that. I'm so fucking wrecked over him having HQ, and if I lose po too I am done trying. I'm still barely recovered from last months suicidal breakdown, and i can feel myself losing my shit again.

I fucking hate myself for asking for help yet a-fucking-gain, but I don't know what the fuck else to do. If anyone has anything to spare that they want to donate or lend indefinitely, my paypal is still maevele@gmail.com. It seems as though I am always fucking begging. Thank you all for putting up with me. SHare this if you think anyone else wants to help.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/580254.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

well fuck

beatifulugly
I seem to have entered a major depressive episode. So not even a little okay. Still probably about to be evicted because I can not get even close to caught up financially.

JUST FUCKED. want to spend days crying in bed, but I have po and am babysitting a housemate kid.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/579696.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

if anyone was wondering

beatifulugly
the lack of posting about drama and adventures in my life does not mean that there has been a lack of it. It means that the drama has kept me too busy to blog about it, and in some cases no longer sure what I am willing to post about. It has been rough. And exciting.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/579498.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

well fuck

beatifulugly
with all the rent related bullshit, I fucking failed to have any money left for po's birthday party which is tomorrow. I could go help a friend move and probably make a few bucks, but I have a splitting goddamn headache and need to like, make a fucking cake and shit tonight. FFFFUUUUUCCCKKK.

So, yeah, anyone want to spot me birthday money?

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/576984.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

wow, I haven't posted in a week

beatifulugly
things have been happening. I MADE THE WHOLE BACK RENT! LIKE ALL OF IT! Through donations, side work and one loan, I made it. technically they could still evict me, if I don't jump through a couple more co-op hoops, but now that they have the money they won't do it. YAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAY. There was a tense moment when I thought the transfer from paypal would take long enough that the fucking check would still bounce, but nope! And I turned in my payment plan for august, which had fucking better be approved. And as of the fifteenth, I am only contracted for one room, that I can afford for realsies.

Also, totally behind on work because my brain went OH FUCK, REEEENT for several days straight. only reason I am still up is that I am tryna work. Back to that soon.

I just really am the living embodiment of relief, and I want to thank everyone who has ever helped me through the batch of clusterfuck that followed the whole marriage thing falling to shit. With all my heart, I am so fucking thankful to everyone.

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/576599.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

I have awesome friends everywhere

beatifulugly
I started a chipin for my rent trouble recently, and now, well, a certain awesome person is offering incentives.
From her post:

So, internet: if the get $250 in the next five days, I will do the notorious cinnamon challenge and post a video of it online. If they get $500 in the next five days, I will eat an entire tube of saltine crackers without taking a drink before I do the cinnamon challenge. If they get the full $700 being sought on the Chipin, I will eat a dry bowl of Cap’n Crunch (avec les berries cruncheuse, s’il vous plait) before I eat the saltine crackers. If they get a $1,000, I will do the cinnamon challenge with fresh nutmeg and hallucinate that William S. Burroughs is trying to harvest my cat’s brainwaves through the telephone. All on cam. One continuous take, no interruption and no drinking.


see more at http://alexandraerin.tumblr.com/post/28439909406/for-a-friend-like-this-i-will-swallow-my-pride-among

originally posted at http://maevele.dreamwidth.org/576404.html Comment there with OpenID or ask me for a code, or here if you must comment count unavailable comments

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